Plot Patterson (radio series)

1 plot

1.1 episode one
1.2 episode two
1.3 episode three
1.4 episode four
1.5 episode five
1.6 episode six
1.7 episode seven
1.8 episode eight

plot
episode one

following bizarre interview, doctor andrew patterson reluctantly accepts lectureship in english literature @ provincial university. wife jane finds new home town depressing reduced tears. oddball, neighbour spencer cuthbertson calls round , makes immediate, bad impression on patterson. spirits lifted unexpected arrival of victor, old college friend reveals colleagues. jane less thrilled. victor introduces patterson other members of department, of whom appear have notable quirks, , quite clear melissa has andrew in sights potential sexual conquest. there mutual attraction. head of department, professor misty shows him new office , absent-mindedly locks him in several hours. later, suggests jane should quit has found unexpected virtues in present circumstances , goes out evening cuthbertson, leaving patterson after 5 children.

episode two

it first day of term. jane says has lined interview job social worker. patterson thinks ironic have lots of children of own need looking after. when gets work, expresses having high hopes first lecture doesn t go planned. on entering room 351, greeted sound of flushing cistern - transpires in wrong building. arriving late, concludes students neither intelligent nor academically inclined. @ meeting of department, misty rails against falling standards and, in particular, fornication faculty which, insists, must cease utterly. pattersons invited vice-chancellor s reception melissa makes bee-line andrew. take offer of showing fascinating greek statuary in garden when inconveniently interrupted jane. cuthbertson wanders on , suggests showing jane same statuary. night ends in disaster after vice-chancellor asks patterson not smoke , hurriedly puts lit cigarette in jacket pocket. suit catches fire , has jump in lake extinguish flames.

episode three

the pattersons awake @ 5.00am sounds of children either crying or vomiting. jane says taking social worker s position. misty asks patterson bannerji, indian student, thesis novel, despite protests has never read poetry field. misty demands lawnmower allegedly borrowed last term. patterson points out couldn t have been him s started misty adamant. must 9.00am tomorrow or ll fired. on lunch, andrew discovers victor borrowed lawnmower using name of thistleberry - patterson s predecessor - passed on amy in turn gave melissa. agrees dinner date @ place means of getting lawnmower back. meal awkward , sexually charged. when patterson spills wine on trousers, melissa seizes opportunity bed him , enjoy cock au vin . when returns home after midnight, row ensues , jane kicks out husband unfaithfulness.

episode four

when patterson wakes @ victor s, confused, shocked learn of marriage split. patterson returns lawnmower, misty tell him doesn t have one. admits borrowing 1 colleague once victor went off under assumed name. patterson horrified discover apparently giving inaugural lecture on lycidas following evening in front vice-chancellor , important dignitaries. no time write , job on line once more, forced plagiarise essay t.s. eliot. surmises no 1 there recognise it. amy spade has more bad news patterson - no sooner had gone cuthbertson moved in jane. when tells melissa change of circumstances, agrees take him in warns have sing supper. gives him style makeover. initially, suffers stress-induced impotence melissa persistent. constant demands take toll , following evening, patterson falls asleep on toilet before lecture , cannot roused. probity, university porter, delivers speech in place reads out both title , original author of photocopied essay assembled throng.

episode five

patterson begins writing book, seemingly avoid being in bedroom melissa. reads manuscript , learns has put aside long-mooted volume on dwarf in shakepeare in favour of soft porn, written under pseudonym of r.k. misty. discovers main protagonists of naked , magnificent called patterson , melissa. annoyed, primarily, says, because writing vile stuff when should in bedroom doing it. mary tells him misty has delegated midday class on works of lawrence him has neglected specify lawrence - d.h. or t.e. academic cuthbertson won t allow him borrow books on either. while, bannerji keeps pestering him. misty solves mystery of author - turns out lawrence durrell , hands him new protégée in form of valerie candle, nubile american writing thesis on sex in john donne. invites pattersons dinner party. promotion prospects due discussed, andrew forced deal jane, mending fence in return company evening. @ party, professor secretes patterson broom closet , tells him knows book , demands see it. patterson panicked until realises misty isn t referring erotic fiction shakespeare book. cuthbertson turns unexpectedly, drunk , accusing patterson of being adulterer , pervert, jane leaves escort him home. patterson , valerie leave , drives him room.

episode six

patterson returns melissa s @ 3.00am, drunk. doesn t believe spent entire evening @ misty s. suspicious when eager work following morning. reveals talked in sleep, apparently while dreaming of having sex valerie. later in office, misty asks him meet him in secret @ midday , valerie suggests going away weekend together, offer patterson readily accepts. misty turns meeting in disguise. reveals threatened coup led smithson in linguistics , considering rotating job head of department amy spade. patterson returns melissa s find himself locked out , replaced none other smithson. reaction drunk , depressed victor. in state of intoxication, head patterson s house , break in. victor finds luger in drawer patterson fires accident @ intruder. turns out policeman, inspector firestone. jane returns , gets inspector arrest pair of them, along misty , bannerji turn unexpectedly.

episode seven

patterson has no option live , sleep in office. ignoring danger of dismissal gross moral turpitude, leaves valerie weekend away in stratford-upon-avon. driving leaves him fearing life. en route, treated extremely full , convoluted monologue valerie s sexual experiences , hang-ups. arrive, confesses booking under names of professor , mrs misty, makes patterson laugh heartily. hotel manager informs them have special deal - ado nothing suite , elizabethan banquet. elderly porter escorts them room. patterson needs go car , horror, spotted vice-chancellor. coincidence, there wife, real professor , mrs misty , other senior staff meeting planning university cuts. ask him join them banquet. patterson returns valerie, explains situation, , pleads stay put sake of career. on dinner, vice-chancellor s wife takes shine him , wonders why filling doggy-bag. when gets room, valerie furious manages placate telling turns him on. mood broken vice-chancellor s wife knocking @ door. valerie angrily declares save job, including sleeping old ladies. escape through window valerie dumps him on roadside. rescued professor misty. unfortunately patterson, has passenger - bannerji.

episode eight

a few days later, on last day of term, valerie spots patterson , calls out him. there evidently still fondness on both sides valerie reveals leaving hitch round france on christmas bannerji in tow. patterson wishes them well. mary informs him has letter wife s solicitor legal separation, adding didn t open it. s learned of weekend away amy spade , patterson worried might have told misty says doesn t care s retiring. equally surprising revelation amy has declined take over. department in severe difficulties due cuts, there no promotion prospects anyone, faculty @ each other s throats, there marxist agitators everywhere , professor leaving department in irremediable chaos. misty opines fool take on in circumstances , no additional pay whatsoever s handing reins patterson. make matters worse, victor tells him smithson has organised sit-in , motion overthrow capitalist system has been passed single vote. deputation presents him list of non-negotiable demands. vice-chancellor vetoes of them except one: fire doctor patterson. then, vc s wife bursts in announce leaving him , running away lover, professor misty. shortly after, sit-in over. new head of department has been appointed , following re-vote, original motion defeated after victor got amy switch sides promising take on christmas holiday corfu. victor advises patterson try , patch things wife. midnight approaches, buoyed dutch courage, patterson determines follow guidance. avoid waking neighbours , children, jane lets him in. patterson makes part flippant/part impassioned speech, displaying degree of contrition, extolling wife s virtues , affirming love her. initially, jane unmoved. cuthbertson comes give moral support after patterson deals him masterfully, wife agrees reconciliation. eve of 35th birthday.